Tuesday, July 2, 2024

Ian Ridpath (Your Biblical Counselor) is now listed on Crosscare - matching Counselees to Christian Counselors

I am really excited to share that I am now listed on Crosscare as a Biblical counsellor specializing in men's life-issues such as Abandonment, Anger, Anxiety, Conflict, Fear, Identity in Christ, Christian Manhood and Stress. 

Please visit this wonderful site that brings together Christian counsellors and prospective counselees by matching their needs and counsellor expertise.

link to crosscare




Monday, July 1, 2024

Summertime is a Great Time to Relax and Reflect and Cast Our Anxieties on Him


It is only human nature that during the summertime, stress levels and anxiety tend to wain. Still, it is good to keep focused on Christ as our ultimate healer - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

The summertime is also a time to relax and reflect on faith, family and friends. Look outward, not inward during these brighter days. Our hurts, hang ups and habits may still be present, but a mind set on things above will always be better than one set on the horizontal.

God never rests, He is always present and faithful and loving and wants His children to be blessed with His peace (Shalom).

Please prayerfully seek His direction in becoming all that He has made you to be.


In Christs love, Your Biblical Counselor - Ian

Monday, June 24, 2024

From Chains, through Christ to Freedom

The Biblical counselling path always involves chains, Jesus and freedom. Chains can be any hurt, hang up or habit that we have that takes us away from Christ or at least stops us from living the victorious life.


Friday, June 7, 2024

Are You Interested in Biblical Counselling or Being a Biblical Counsellor?

Here is an event taking place in the KW Region that will be of interest to those who are already a Biblical Counsellor or those who may be interested in becoming one. See the image below, and contact Brittany if you want to attend. The date is Saturday, June 13 in Elora, Ontario.



Men - Do You Know How To CHELM your Wives?

In my counselling time with men especially, I coined the acronym CHELM. This stands for Cherish, Honour, Encourage, Love and Minister to our wives. The following is an article about how to apply CHELM to your marriage,

Applications of CHELM - Scriptures

By Ian Ridpath (c)2024

CHELM stands for Cherish, Honour, Encourage, Love and Minister. These are five aspects of building up and living out a deep relationship with my Spouse. How do I do this for her?

1) Show GRATITUDE:

[1 Thessalonians 5:18]

18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I certainly do not give thanks in all circumstances. I may give thanks to God for big things such as food, shelter, clothing and my wife and family but I do not thank her nearly enough for the other things like being my wife in the first place, for being a helpmate, for being willing to put up with me and my foibles or even things like wanting to do things together and not getting upset at some of my quirks.

Thankfulness is a gift of grace from God and must be heartfelt and genuine. It is not a bad habit to be continuously thankful for big and trivial things. I must keep my eyes, ears, and heart open to things that I can be thankful for.

[Colossians 3:15]

15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

Thank God first but thank my wife next in ALL that she does, especially for the sake of the Kingdom but also for the day-to-day things like being in the Word, wanting to make dinner, or wanting to be closer to me.

She and I are members of ONE BODY, Christ, and so should be thankful for each other and for Him and express this every day.

 2) Be CONSIDERATE:

[Philippians 2:3]

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,

Being considerate makes sure I consider her needs and desires before mine. This can show up in wanting to do a certain activity, go out, stay in and watch a program, study the Word together and more. This can be hard and is often an indication of selfish ambition or pride. I must break this by listening to Marg’s desires and not dismissing them out of hand.

3) Be GENTLE:

[Proverbs 15:4]

The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

How often has my tongue dripped with acid instead of sweetness? Gentleness is not only physical but emotional as well. I must guard my tongue whenever I am speaking to my wife and indeed anyone else. I am to listen without forming a retaliatory reply, I must consider her as the gentle, loving wife that God has given me and when I do, I will not speak harshly or treat her harshly.

[Philippians 4:5]

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

Again, my behaviour speaks volumes about my heart. When my heart is unsettled or ‘sick’, I must never let that affect my gentleness towards her. Even when I am weary or not feeling the best, I must curb my propensity to be selfish and fail to treat her as I would want to be treated.

4) Be KIND:

[Ephesians 4:32]

32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

 How many times have I not done this? Kindness and Gentleness are cousins and go hand in hand. Kindness though holds a higher status in that I have no excuse not to be kind not only to my wife but to others as well. Being kind often means bringing the truth into a situation and even admonishing in a gentle loving manner. So, I believe I cannot just be kind but also gentle in my kindness. This may mean holding my tongue if it is not going to help the situation but when I do speak to speak in love and tenderness… this is being kind.

[Colossians 3:12]

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

These five terms are, as was kindness and gentleness expressed in Ephesians 4:32, cousins and often are tied together in a situation that I find myself in areas of how I treat my wife. Patience must precede the rest in that if I am not patient then I cannot suitably express compassion, kindness, humility and gentleness. I clothe myself in these attributes when I seek God first. I cannot be like Him in all these areas and yet treat her in opposite ways. Practically, patience is born-out by listening more than taking and being available for her instead of for myself and desiring to help her meet her needs instead of mine.

5) Be PATIENT:

[Ephesians 4:2]

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

As expressed in 3) and 4), patience must precede many other interactions. The idea of ‘bearing with one another’ is often secondary in my actions. I have often thought that ‘bearing’ with my wife means that I have to put up with everything and have no say myself. This wrong thinking had led to many conflicts. Bearing with one another does not mean being a door mat or having no ideas of my own but seeking her best and accepting her thinking and ideas without feeling intimidated. This is best expressed by listening more and talking less and listening with a gentle and humble spirit. This can be practiced often even in little decisions or desires that she may have.

 [1 Corinthians 13:4]

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

Ditto [Ephesians 4:2] with the added note that it is MY PRIDE that often stops me being the kind, gentle, humble and compassionate husband that I am called to be in Christ. I must KILL my pride at every opportunity by going to God first and often before speaking or acting.

[Ecclesiastes 7:9]

9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

How often do I take offense at something my wife says or does? Taking offense leads me to provocation in my spirit and anger is not far behind. Again, I must allow the Holy Spirit to direct my hearing and reacting with fruit such as the Fruit of the Spirit tells me… be loving, be joyful, be peaceful, be patient, be kind, be gentle, be faithful, be gentle and be self-controlled in ALL circumstances. This is a practice skill and learned through many trials that the Spirit will take me through until I finally am free from provocation and anger.

6) Be GOOD:

[Ephesians 4:32]

32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

(See notes on 4 above)

[Romans 12:9]

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

I must love my wife and express that to her in word and deed. Everyone has a different ‘love language’ and I must be in tune with hers and act accordingly.

[2 Peter 1: 5-7]

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.

This is a wonderful progression of going from faith in God to love for my wife. My faith must be expressed in such love. I know this list of Peter’s is meant for the church both corporately and individually. It includes elements of most of the previous verses. I must demonstrate my faith by being in the word, praying with her on every occasion and letting my godliness be evident in my walk and talk. I can do this by being patient and listening intently and with purpose to her.

7) Be SELF CONTROLLED:

[Titus 2: 11-12]

11 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,

I really need the help of the Holy Spirit to control my thoughts and my tongue. I need to be much slower to speak and much quicker to listen to my wife.

[2 Timothy 1:7]

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

The self-discipline part is hard for someone who has generally had their way all their life. Self-discipline in my alone times to avoid wasting time on my phone or computer looking at news and games.

[James 1: 19-20]

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

See note on Titus 2:11-12… my human anger is often displayed overtly and covertly as I murmur and lose patience with my wife. I am not quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to get angry… quite the opposite. Lord, show me in every instance when I am prone to that. Let me purposefully take it to the Lord in prayer.

8) Be a MINISTER:

[2 Timothy 2:15]

15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

I find it interesting that I am able to ‘minister’ to others more easily than to my wife. I try to handle the Word of Truth well but sometimes I forget and insert my own take on the Word. Lord, let me always go the Word first and then apply the Word in the situation. I must present myself to God as one approved but also to Marg as someone who lives according to the Spirit and the Word. Again, let me be quick to listen and slow to talk and become angry. There are so many daily, mini situations where I must practice this as one approved by God.

[2 Corinthians 5:18]

18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:

I know I am reconciled to God through Christ but let me also be reconciled with my wife and others.

[2 Corinthians 6: 3]

We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited.

How many times have I put a stumbling block in her way by my words, actions and attitude? Because I have not honoured her to the degree I should, I know my prayers have been hindered (1 Peter 3:7). Stumbling blocks could be things like a certain look or attitude or demeanor when some subjects are mentioned… these cause her to not want to share with me. I must listen first then ask the Holy Spirit for how I should respond and do it quickly.

[Ephesians 4:11-12]

11 So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up.

I may not be an appointed apostle or prophet or evangelist or teacher, but the Holy Spirit has appointed me to love my wife and honour her and treat her as Christ would… in other words, to build her up. I can do this by coming alongside her in her times of need, in times when she wants and needs prayer and times of bringing the Word to her in every circumstance. I can only minister to her if I have been in the Word and desire to share the Word with her.

 [James 4:10]

10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Humility is the antidote for pride. I miss so many opportunities to minister to my wife because of my pride. “I know better,” or “I can fix this” and such statements are a clear indication of my pride. Lord, help me get rid of my pride and in humility serve her by ministering to her needs… daily needs of increased faith, closeness to God, closeness to me and her desire to be the best daughter of the Most High. Let me be insightful to these needs and address them immediately.

[Colossians 3:16]

16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.

This is one of the most practical verses on how to react with other saints, especially our spouses. It begins with having the Word firmly established and rooted in me. I cannot minister if I do not have a close relationship with Jesus and let His word dwell in me richly and continually. I am called to teach and admonish in wisdom and love and I cannot do this unless I have let the Holy Spirit have free reign in my heart. I cannot recall ever singing songs and hymns and spiritual songs over my wife but by this passage I am called to do that. I have infrequently serenaded her with Praise and Worship songs by playing my guitar. I need to do that more.


Thursday, May 30, 2024

Ten Reasons To Ask for Biblical Counselling for Yourself

 This list is right from page one of my website. Ten things you should know about Biblical counselling that will help you make a decision to ask for help in your life.

Here are ten things that you should know about Biblical Counselling

  1. Biblical Counselling is BIBLICAL: James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
  2. Biblical Counselling is BLESSED: Matthew 5:6 says, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."
  3. Biblical Counselling is BENEFICIAL: 1 Timothy 4:8b says, but godliness is beneficial in every way, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come".
  4. Biblical Counselling is UNIQUE: the Bible is the primary source for counselling. No other counselling does this. Other books on Biblical counselling may be used as secondary tools.
  5. Biblical Counselling is HONOURING TO GOD: James 3:17 tells us that wisdom comes from above, from God. He often uses Biblical counsellors for this very purpose when they rely on His wisdom in their counselling.
  6. Biblical Counselling is NOT SECULAR COUNSELLING: It targets the heart, the center of our desires, emotions, and wills, not for behavioural modification, but for heart transformation.
  7. Biblical Counselling is a DISCIPLESHIP MINISTRY: It is as a basis, a discipleship ministry drawing people closer to Jesus. Matthew 11:28 reminds us that we, who are burdened, are to come to Jesus, and He will give us rest.
  8. Biblical Counselling is PARTICIPATORY: The Biblical counsellor and counselee work together under the authority of Scripture. The counselee is expected to fully participate in the counselling process.
  9. Biblical Counselling is FOCUSSED: The heart is the target. That is, the desires, emotions and will are interrelated and Jesus speaks to the heart through His Word and the Biblical counsellor.
  10. Biblical Counselling is SPIRIT LED: The results are wholly dependent upon God and His Holy Spirit, not on man's efforts.

Monday, May 27, 2024

Biblical Counselling Especially For Men

 As I have been honing my website and adding more information about Biblical Counselling, I am seeing an uptick in website clicks.


I am focusing on Biblical counselling for men as there is a great need for this and there are relatively few Biblical counsellors who specialize in this area.

I know men tend to be somewhat oblivious in their belief that they are 'OK'. In reality, men have as many 'life-issues' as women in this day and age. I really encourage men to give me a call and chat about 'men's' issues of anger, anxiety, identity, and more. Simply fill in the Contact Form on my website at: https://www.yourbiblicalcounselor.ca/contact-form.htm

Thanks and blessings men.

Ian

Ian Ridpath (Your Biblical Counselor) is now listed on Crosscare - matching Counselees to Christian Counselors

I am really excited to share that I am now listed on Crosscare as a Biblical counsellor specializing in men's life-issues such as Aband...